


NUMB

by AlphaGurl1939



Category: teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: Depression, F/M, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-15
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-05-01 15:57:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5211941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlphaGurl1939/pseuds/AlphaGurl1939
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You don’t feel it anymore, the pain, the suffering, the ache in your heart, no you don’t feel anything anymore, your numb and you can’t decide whether or not that’s for the best. The sun shines through your curtains blinding you and on any other day you’d smile happily knowing that the world hadn’t totally fallen apart while you were asleep but this isn’t like any other day, this day you won’t receive a call from her asking whether she should go with the dress or the jeans, this day you won’t be greeted by her smile at school, this day is most definitely not like any other day, this day has no Allison Argent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	NUMB

You don’t feel it anymore, the pain, the suffering, the ache in your heart, no you don’t feel anything anymore, your numb and you can’t decide whether or not that’s for the best. The sun shines through your curtains blinding you and on any other day you’d smile happily knowing that the world hadn’t totally fallen apart while you were asleep but this isn’t like any other day, this day you won’t receive a call from her asking whether she should go with the dress or the jeans, this day you won’t be greeted by her smile at school, this day is most definitely not like any other day, this day has no Allison Argent.

“(Y/N), get up you’ll be late for school” you hear your mother call from downstairs. You lay there staring up at the ceiling wondering if you got up whether you would just fall back down again. Your legs edge their way to the side of the bed, the floor feels foreign under your feet, your not surprised you haven’t gotten out of bed for a week, once your standing up you struggle to stay up, your legs wobbling underneath you, “(Y/N) did you hear me?”

“Yeah i’ll be down soon” you yell back slowly making your way to the bathroom, you look in the mirror and realise just how horrible you look, your sickly pale, your hair is standing up in every direction and you’ve got bags under your eyes. You jump under the steaming hot water of the shower and it almost feels good standing there hot water hitting your back the dirt washing away making you clean. It was just a week ago you were standing in this very position scrubbing yourself raw trying to get clean, trying to get her blood off your hands.

“Dress or jeans” you whisper to yourself once your out of the shower, you look down at the choices on your bed, ‘remember when you want people to think your okay always go with the dress it shows confidence, plus I guarantee they won’t be looking at your face’ you remember Lydia words from a few years ago, back when she was popular and when people didn’t call her crazy, you listen to those words and pick up the dress.

You layer on make up until you don’t look like your dying because you want people to believe your okay you don’t want people to know your dying on the inside, you don’t want them to know that exactly a week ago today was when your heart shattered into a million pieces and not even a world class heart surgeon could put them back together.

“I made you your favourite” you mother says once you make your way down stairs, she looks at you with a small smile and you know she’s trying, she’s trying so hard to make everything better, to fix you, but what she doesn’t know is the only way to fix you is to bring your best friend back to life, the only way to fix you is with a miracle.

“I’m not hungry” you tell her, your phone then bing’s with a message.

STILES: Hey do you want me to pick you up.

“(Y/N) you have to eat something, you haven’t touched any food in the past week” she says but your eyes are still glued to the text you just received, Stiles you haven’t thought about him for days, you remember when he’d look at you and your heart would stutter, you remember when just being near him made you delirious, you remember when your best friend was alive and everything was okay.

(Y/N): No i’m fine

“I’ll eat at school” you tell her picking up your keys.

“Okay, your dress is on the couch” she says giving up, you look over and there it is just lying there it’s black material sprayed over the brown fabric of the couch, it all comes rushing back, today is the day that they expect you to say goodbye to your best friend forever.

“I’ve got to go” you tell her rushing out the door, when you get in the car it’s freezing you feel yourself shiver, you start up the car and heat then surrounds you, for some reason you preferred it when it was cold because at least then you felt something real and for just a second you didn’t feel so numb.

-

You walk down the school corridor bumping into people as you go, some of them look at you with sad eyes, you know they’re probably thinking ‘she was friends with the dead girl, she was friends with Alison Argent’ you look down desperate to avoid all their harsh gazes.

“(Y/N) wait up” you hear someone call behind you, and straight away you know it’s Stiles, you’d know his voice anyway it used to be one of your favourite sounds after all, you then rush into the bathroom wanting so badly to be alone. Water bursts out of the tap and you splash water on your face forgetting about the makeup covering your face, your mascara runs and your lipstick smudges.

“(Y/N)” someone says, you look in the reflection of the mirror and see the one and only Lydia Martin, she has a surprised expression on her face like she wasn’t expecting you to be here, you can’t blame her you haven’t spoken a word to anyone other than your mother and the occasional text to Stiles for the past week.

“Lydia hi” you say barely being able to look her in the eyes. Once upon a time Lydia was the one you would go to for everything she had all the answers, or at least you thought she did that was until that night.

-

“(Y/N)” Lydia calls rushing over to where your kneeling over Alison’s lifeless body, she kneel’s down beside you tears streaming down her face, “We have to go” Lydia shouts her voice barely making it to your ears through the thunderous rain.

You shake your head unwilling to leave her here alone, “I can’t” you whisper knowing Lydia can’t hear you, she shakes your arm trying to get you moving.

“(Y/N) the Sheriff is on his way we can’t be here once he arrives” Lydia tells you a hint of desperation in her voice, you give in and let her drag you off the ground, you look down at her bloodied body her eyes still open staring at you like they’re trying to steal your soul and you’d gladly let them if that meant your best friend being alive and not lying on the cold hard ground with no heart beating in her chest.

Lydia leads you to her car, once your inside you let yourself go tears falling down your face in a rushed sequence. You look at her then with big eyes, crazy hair and a sad expression, you look at her straight in the eye, “why her, why did she have to die?” You ask her, you feel her waver under your gaze she looked so lost her heart breaking very much like your own.

“I don’t know, I wish I did” she tells you avoiding your eyes as she starts up the car, “We’re supposed to meet the rest of the pack at Scott’s house” she says navigating her way through the rain.

“I can’t” you say not wanting to see or talk to anyone just wanting to be alone just for awhile, you think of Stiles and the smile he’ll give you, the one he always does when something bad happens like when he gets caught snooping by the Sheriff or when he gets hurt during a Lacrosse game, no this isn’t like that this is very different, your best friend, your sister your other half is dead, she’s gone and she’s never coming back.

-

“Are you okay?” Lydia asks cautiously walking over to you, you nod not wanting to talk. she brushes your hair out of your face and turns your head to face her, “Well you don’t look okay” she says pulling some tissues out of her bag, she wets the tissue and starts to wipe your makeup off, she smiles at you not out of sadness or pity but out of relief that she won’t have to do this alone.

“Thank you” you say once she’s done, she then starts to reapply your make up and she smooths down your hair until it’s presentable again.

“I’m glad your here (Y/N), i’ve been lost without both my best friends” she says, and if your heart wasn’t already completely obliterated your heart would break as those words leave her mouth, because of course you weren’t the only one left reeling after Allison’s death so was Lydia the other pea in the pod, the girl you’ve known for most of your life for just a second guilt fly’s through you, it soon passes and your back to feeling numb.

“Wish I could say the same” you reply, her face falls all hope disappearing from her face, you don’t bother saying goodbye instead you just push pass her walking back down the crowded hall leaving her alone standing in the empty and lonely bathroom.

The day passes like any other school day would, slowly, but this time your left alone with your thoughts drowning out the emotionless voice of the teacher, this time their is no encouraging smiles keeping you going nor is their those silly faces she would sometimes give you when the teacher wasn’t looking to make you laugh, this time there is no Alison Argent.

-

Once you get home everything is silent except for the usual creaks and screeches the old house gives you, the dress is still draping over the couch giving you the constant reminder that she’s gone and that your about to bury her six feet under.

“(Y/N) your home” your mother says appearing out of nowhere, she herself is wearing her own black dress, this would be around the time you’d say she looked beautiful but then again it’s not like she’s about to go out on a date, no she’s about to go to your best friends funeral, “I was thinking we could drive over together.”

“Actually I wanted to go alone” you tell her, the small smile she was wearing drops until it’s non-existent.

“(Y/N) do you think that’s a good idea” she says concern filling her face.

“What’s the worst that could happen, i’m already dead on the inside” you mutter grabbing the death dress off the couch and walking pass her to your room.

“Alright I guess i’ll see you there” she calls sadness lacing her voice. Once your in your room you close the door, the dress falls from your hand as you go to strip your clothing off, you then slide the black dress on.

“Smile (Y/N) someone could be falling in love with your smile” you say to yourself in the mirror but you don’t smile if anything you hurt more, you remember the day Lydia told Alison those exact words, you laughed at Allison’s reaction it was priceless, you remember the good old days when it was just you Lydia and Alison and suddenly your once again numb, no feelings, no pain, no sorrow, no love just numb.

You go into the bathroom and open the medicine cabinet, you grab out the small pill bottle, a couple of pills fall gracefully into your hand and you wonder how many it would take for you to never wake up again, to be as lifeless as Allison was that night, to be forever in a deep slumber no heart beating in your chest.

You swallow a couple of pills not caring about how many, you then go and sit on your bed, you just sit there minutes passing while your motionless staring off into the distance, your eyes get heavy and you fall back and you think maybe this is it, maybe your finally free, maybe you’ll soon be with her, Allison, your best friend, your sister, your other half. Your eyes then close leading you into beautiful and blissful darkness.

“(Y/N)” you hear, it echoes through the darkness, Stiles you think, the voice belongs to Stiles who’s voice was once your favourite tune, “(Y/N) wake up” he shouts, you feel him shaking you forcefully bringing you out of your solitude.

Your eyes slowly open having to adjust to the sudden light, you look around and see many faces, Stiles, Lydia, Scott and Kira all standing above you not only wearing their sullen black clothes but also wearing worried expressions, Stiles wraps his arms around you and buries his face in your hair, your arms fall limp on either side of him not bothering to hug back.

“What were you thinking you could’ve died” Lydia says sitting on the other side of you, her worried expression now turned into anger.

“I think that was the idea” Kira says, you look at her surprised how is it that out of all your friends the one you barely know has already figured you out, Scott then walks over to you and kneels in front of you.

“Are you okay?” He asks looking at you with his sad puppy dog eyes, you don’t respond you sit their staring into nothingness while they all scrolled you in their own way, “(Y/N) I know how you feel, Allison was my first love she was my anchor, and I get it you are hurting just as much, you lost your best friend” he then says trying to catch your eyes, tears well up slowly falling down your face, and a piece of you is relieved by the feeling, the hurt, the sorrow, the ache in your heart your feeling everything, it crashes into you like freight train, everything you kept bottled up pours out of you uncontrollably, you sit their silently crying while Stiles holds you closer to him and Lydia wipes the tears from your face as Scott soothes you with his words.

Then the question falls from your lips, it’s the same question Lydia couldn’t even answer it’s the same question you know for sure Allison would be able to if she was here.

“Why?”


End file.
